On Saturday I saw Tom Parker Bowles walking out of the M & S Food Hall on the High Road so I said to Mr Bovary:

‘If ever one needed a sign to stay in Chiswick that is it .’

Mr Bovary didn’t know who he was so he muttered something about us having ‘different values’ and shook his head. Then I told him who he was and he said: ‘where where where’ charging the buggy through the shop, mowing down little old ladies in the reduced aisle and the androgynous mustachioed shelf stacker with the big bottom in an attempt to locate him.

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